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Of Sadness

Baby Boody left yesterday for Memphis, where she will live for the next five years, getting her PhD while acting as a TA.

It's bittersweet. I have gotten so used to having her here, back at the house - seeing her everyday, sitting around talking and laughing (nobody makes me laugh like my kids) - just enjoying her company.

Of course I cried when she left. And cried and cried. I'm pretty sure I've mentioned before that I'm not a pretty crier - my face swells and turns blotchy, ny nose and eyes get red - yeah ... not pretty.

I'd put my make-up on before Terri left - I think my logic was that having make-up on would keep my from crying. Didn't work. It makes Gary anxious when I cry; he hates to see me unhappy.

"You look like Alice Cooper - stop crying. You're going to have to re-do your makeup." He fidgets uncomfortably and keeps trying to joke me out of my tears.

I've been with Gary so long and know him so well that I know what lies under those words but I also know how someone else would perceive them - as insensitive. Trust me on this, they aren't.

Gary knows me as well as I know him and he's well aware that the worst possible thing to give me at that point is sympathy - it will just make me cry harder. Instead, he gives me what he knows will work best, a soft target.

"Oh shut it, will you?" I sniff, then glance at him and smile. He looks relieved. We turn back to the window and wave as Terri drives off.

I know my baby needs to get about her future, like I did, so many years ago and leave home, probably for good. But it still hurts and I wish I could turn the clock back, when all my babies were little and at home every night.

But - that can't happen, so you just have to suck it up and get on with things. She'll be home at Thanksgiving to visit. I've already got the whole meal planned out.




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